All right, so...I was feeling bad about ranting about COE without seeing it. You know, because wiki can't tell all.

But then I watched that scene from Day 4.

People. I should have been sobbing. Even though I knew, I knew with Tosh and Owen too, and I screamed then.

I just..sat there.

Yeah, it was sad. I wanted to hug Jack and make it all better. But I mainly wanted to do this because the writers had dropped him into another universe without telling him.

I just...those three minutes? They didn't feel like Torchwood.

This is my way of saying that I'm not watching Children of Earth. Even though I'm a completionist. When I write fic, COE didn't happen. Nope.

Like I said before, if COE is cut out of canon, I may watch a series 4.

Otherwise? Yeah, no.

So, I keep telling myself I'm going to stop staying up until 3 (or later). But then...writing.

I can't write during the day. I try, and it just...

Part of it is the house is so much noiser during the day. Yes, I have my ipod. But there's stuff gonig on, and I know it. I need stillness to write.

Another part is, even when it's still during the day, I just can't get in the mood (oh dear, kink_bingo is getting to me ^_^).

Sigh.

Anyone feel up to beta-ing 1400 words of Velvet Goldmine kink?

I hadn't thought about just how much being with someone --not being intimate with someone, but just being with someone--would change the way I wrote romance. For the better.

Working on kinky Pushing Daisies fic right now...so many parts that, before, would have just been me running through the alphabet so I could get to Z, not really caring.

Now...

I understand why Chuck is watching Ned's hands, why the plastic isn't really a barrier between them at all.

...Yes, this probably is a sign I should go to bed, but I'm wiiiide awake, which is weird consiering I slept from about 3 to about 8.

So, I finally caved and read what happens in Children of Earth.

....

...

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK?

( Cut for crudity that serves no purpose )


*sigh*I never wanted to understand how the 'Twilight is a trilogy' people (people who disown Breaking Dawn) felt.

But...

Torchwood has 2.5 series (counting the radio plays, I like those).

I...sigh. I might give a 4th series a chance if it's done just so. And I'll defintely be looking for certain clips of Children of Earth on youtube.

Watching the whole thing? Hell no.

An acquantince just signed a book contract.

I'd love to be happy for her and just a bit jealous. But the thing is...unless she's improved dramatically in teh past year since I read anything she wrote, she's...lackluster, at best.

Makes me wonder if I should bother editing Pearlshine, if her stuff gets excepted, a skeleton of something...

Sigh. I'm being mean, I know. But right now I need to be. It fucking hurts when you have to watch other people, people who even at your most self-depriciating you still feel more talented (worthy? that sounds horrible, but...) than achieving your dreams.

When you're on a page that contains download links to a show THAT'S STILL AIRING, you might stop and think, huh, maybe people who are here haven't SEEN it yet, and refrain from posting REALLY FUCKING BIG SPOILERS.

Yeah. A whole heap of sad and shock and denial mixed in with this anger.

Problem with being a TW fan who doesn't watch DW: When writing fanfic, occasionally the Doctor has to be mentioned, and wiki can only tell you so much. Nargh. I'm trying to cover my ass by noting I don't watch DW, but I'll still feel bad if I muck it up.

Working on IAOB again. Tweaked some things, rewrote the beginning.

Bri leaves Friday. My heart is already hurting. Planning to throw self into IAOB and Sims 3 after that to prevent total breakdown.

The other night, Bri and I were in the other room and heard TMZ. They were talking about Chaz Bono...

One of their people: 'Chastity Bono and her girlfriend--'
[someone corrects him] 'Oh. Chaz Bono and her girlfriend--'

And I just...my heart rate picked up and I stormed into the room and muted it, snarling about how otherwise I was going to punch the TV. I never wanted Bri to see that side of myself. She'd read it, but I never wanted her to see it.

Maybe it's a good thing, though. Because she just mrr'd for me and understood why I'd been so deeply angry and hurt.

In otherwords...damn, I love my woman.